My Menopause Journey

What I Wish I Had Known Ten Years Ago

About ten years ago, when my menopause journey began, the first signpost of change was an intense heat in my body that would suddenly appear during important meetings.

It seemed like it was coming from nowhere.

There it was, intense and fast, changing my confident professional self into a drenched, sweaty, self-conscious mess.

I would ignore it, but it took work. I could feel my hairstyle flattening, my clothes sticking to me, and my confidence draining out of my body with each drop of sweat.

Imagine you are in a meeting presenting information or collaborating with colleagues and feeling this overwhelming heat; you already understand if this was or is you.

I was, at that time, a school leader.

On a typical day, I had daily meetings, observations, and duties that I often presided over and gave structure and oversight to teams, small and large.

It was a stressful environment, with many factors outside of my control.

Students, parents, drills, vandalism, fights, district demands, and training.

Little did I know that the next big disruptive force would come from my own body.

Rewind to my prior knowledge and experience of menopause.

My mom does not recall that menopause had that much of an impact on her. Looking back, I realize that during those years; she had a bit less stress in her life.

Contrast this to my experience of working 60-hour weeks, having a part-time side hustle in health and wellness, being a solo homeowner, and parenting my daughter.

I also had a new relationship and was fully committed to my healthy habits, such as working out and cooking healthy food, including a shopping and prep cooking schedule.

Sleep was rocky and often interrupted by the 3 a.m. waking, which I later learned was my adrenal burnout. This leads me to the number one factor I wish I had known.

#1 Stress as the Key Factor in Lessening Menopausal Symptoms

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Comparing my hectic life to others who seemed to float through menopause unscathed, I felt flawed. I felt like I was unraveling.

Things that never bothered me began to make my skin crawl.

Dealing with annoying little behaviors from students or teachers, being on the spot in meetings, or in front of large crowds presenting were all things I used to enjoy.

Yet, when perimenopause showed up, these things ratcheted my response to a code red. It was the eeriest feeling.

Something else took over my body and mind and said, “You think you have this all figured out, don’t you?”

It was hard not to feel betrayed by my body, creating even more stress.

A better response would have been to look for ways to decrease my stressors.

#2 The Medical Viewpoint on Menopause

Of course, feeling betrayed by my body sent me to the gynecologist. She confirmed that this was all normal and that it was the beginning of perimenopause.

I responded with dread and a sense of denial.

She discussed my options, including that she was not a fan of traditional HRT, especially for women with histories of certain cancers in their families, like me.

I have always been outside of mainstream medical solutions and medications.

So, I tried some more natural forms of hormones called bioidentical. I started with creams and fast-dissolving homeopathic remedies.

There were some changes to my hormone levels from this.

The cream could have been better and often appeared on sheets or clothes, and I wondered how much of this was getting absorbed. It was only for certain days of the monthly cycle to be most effective, so add that as another condition of success. In times of stress, I am sure I missed days I should have applied it.

My biggest issue with the medical perspective was that it was a “condition,” not a natural life phase for women.

I could only talk about or share it with others going through it. Otherwise, I would be considered different, old, or incompetent.

I became obsessed with exploring all diverse kinds of remedies and solutions.

It was during these first few years that I noticed that other changes were occurring.

#3 Movement and Exercise Changes

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At this time, I was working out a minimum of 5 days per week, combining high-intensity intervals and weight training.

This had been my go-to method of losing body fat and increasing muscle mass, and it had been working great from age 36 to 46.

During that time, I lost seventy-five pounds and felt great. This turned into a side business because so many people saw my transformation and wanted to learn how I did it.

These morning workouts jump-started my day and kept me energized and fit.

What I did not realize is that with the increasing disruption in my sleep, and changes in hormones, the intensity of my exercise began to lose its full benefit.

Let me explain a little further.

My estrogen and progesterone levels dropping put more of a drain on my body’s stress hormone, the adrenal glands.

Increased cortisol is a major stress marker and the backup gland to help produce sex hormones like estrogen and progesterone. The increase in cortisol slows weight and fat loss, especially around the waist for women.

So, it is like a double whammy when the waning sex hormones signal perimenopause and look to the adrenals to ramp up their support of sex hormone production.

The outcome was adrenal burnout. The intensity of my workouts was burning my adrenals out even more.

Energy starts to wane. I was waking up at 3 a.m. and waking up feeling tired. The immune system falters and is more susceptible to colds and infections.

I responded with more adaptogen herbs and supplements.

When what my body needed was simply more rest, sleep, and less stress.

I wish I had seen a way to make these changes back then. Reflecting on my commitments and how demanding it was, I wonder if there was a different way without major changes in my life.

#4 The things I had done before to relieve stress became an enemy.

This made me begin to think about what I did to reduce stress. I spent time with friends and my partner.

This often-included alcoholic beverages or dinners, or happy hours out. As stress levels rose, these became more frequent.

Even though I may have enjoyed the time with my people, I did not realize that I was adding to the stress by doing something that harmed my health.

However, the consequences for my body were negative.

My response at that time was to throw a nutrition hack at it and try a new supplement or tonic to reverse the effects of the night out.

This was enough to make me functional, but I needed to understand that my body was taking longer to recover from these “fun” events in my perimenopausal state.

This added to the roller coaster ride that hormones take during perimenopause.

Among other hacks, my favorites were an apple cider vinegar tonic or bulletproof coffee in the morning.

I realize now that my body wanted more sleep and less stress.

#5 Reflection and accepting change.

What makes these phase changes in life so hard is that we want to avoid facing distinct phases, the reflection, and change in our activities and habits.

We are creatures of habit. We push back on the idea that we must change in favor of denial and resistance.

The first sign of a new phase of life tends to make us panic and try to fight it rather than listen to our bodies and find peace.

I began to advocate for myself in my relationship and tell my partner and friends that I wanted to add different activities to our interactions.

I loved (and still do!) hiking, time in nature, cultural events, shows, and classes to learn something new.

Yet, in times of stress, I allowed myself to go to the happy hour or dinner out, consuming things I would need to recover from.

When I finally discussed this with my partner, I heard that this change was unacceptable.

I began to realize that our journey through life’s phases is a time when shifting habits and boundaries can reveal some areas of difference between you and the people in your life.

Of course, this made things even harder.

Realizing I was with someone who did not want to grow and change with me was a blessing. However, this realization took me years to come.

The painful reality that a relationship I had such high hopes for was not supporting me in making changes that were best for me was a hard pill to swallow.

Yet deep down, I knew this would not work for me.

I wanted to accept what was happening and give my body more of what it needed.

I had to let the relationship, and that job go because neither supported my mental or physical health.

The Final Wisdom of the Five Things I Wish I Knew Sooner About Menopause.

Managing stress is the key factor in lessening menopausal symptoms, and this is why menopause has become something of a medical condition that needs managing.

Think about how women were less likely to be in high-powered careers and manage families and households twenty to thirty years ago. There was much less of a need to control the symptoms of menopause because overall stress was lower in real ways.

The medical viewpoint on menopause creates a sense that it is a condition or disease that needs pharmaceutical or surgical treatment.

A gynecologist even suggested to my mom in her early fifties that she have a preventative hysterectomy so she would not have to “deal with” menopause even though, at that time, she had no symptoms to complain about.

For women going through menopause, insisting on maintaining the workout plan of their younger years can add to the burnout of their hormone system.

Fighting against this is often a product of living in an aging culture that villainizes getting older as a woman.

The things I had done before to relieve stress became an enemy. It was important for me to realize I could still do weight training and fat burning, but I needed much less of it.

It was equally important for me to do yoga, stretching, and Pilates on alternating days to increase positive feelings and maintain the flexibility that declining estrogen can exacerbate.

As life changes, we must examine the effects of people, habits, and situations.

Evaluating these things and getting in touch with what brings us joy is tough. It often means giving up on things that regularly prevent us from experiencing joy.

Reflection and accepting change take time.

It is important to be gentle with yourself.

Realizations can rock the boats of our lives. Advocating for what is best for us may go against the grain.

It often points us to the fact that we may have weak boundaries. We are facing this and seeing that we must build boundaries to have more self-respect. This makes us feel better about aligning our actions and behaviors toward feeling more joy.

Menopause has been one of my life’s most profound grounding and centering times. I hope these reflections help you on your journey.