Effective Change Comes from Alignment Rather than Problem Solving

Here's a helpful three step model to make positive and lasting changes in your life

Have you ever encountered challenges when attempting to resolve an issue or achieve a personal goal? Do you often resort to making lists of advantages and disadvantages, exploring various options, and seeking advice from others? Is it possible that you often feel more perplexed and come across conflicting viewpoints that lead you to more confusion?

You are not alone.

I changed my strategy, which was difficult because I am a researcher who has spent decades studying, testing strategies, and determining their effectiveness.

This article will share how you can explore the power of internal personal alignment, which will help you achieve desired outcomes.

What is alignment?

Simply put, alignment is defined as moving toward your desires with the power of your mind, body, and actions.

A good example is that I desired to improve my sleep, yet my actions needed to match this. From research and trial and error, I knew I slept better when I turned off all screens at least an hour before going to sleep. I also knew I would struggle to sleep soundly if I watched any intensely violent or disturbing content before bed.

Yet for months, I kept screens going, went along with watching content before bed, and suffered from struggling to get the quality and quantity of sleep I desired.

Alignment is simple, then. It is about aligning our behaviors, routines, and habits with our desires and goals.

These misaligned actions were often witnessed in others when we were at an impressionable age or, sometimes, in later stages of life. This creates a part of us that can conflict with our desires, particularly when trying to change our behavior.

Clarification of goals or desires is essential. It is critical to articulate them so they are apparent to ourselves and those closely related to us. This shows that you may lack boundaries with those you are closest to.

Once you put yourself out there and tell those closest to you your new course of action and habits to reach your desired changes, then it is game on.

It can quickly become apparent that you or your loved ones have misaligned actions, behaviors, thoughts, and beliefs that prevent you from getting what you want. If those close to you are opposed to those actions, then it is important to be able to draw boundaries around your new and different activities.

Another example most can relate to is in the health realm. How many of you have set health goals like losing weight or starting a workout routine and struggle with getting started or stalling out on the journey?

When digging deeper into the causes of these struggles with clients, I often found that old beliefs were coming up that were blocking alignment. Being around people not aligned with healthy habits can be enough to trigger you to let go of your goals and desires.

Achieving Alignment in Three Simple Steps

1. Identify a goal or desire you have attempted many times only to return to old patterns.

Is there an emotion attached to letting go of your old habits and replacing them with new desired actions?

2. Recognizing the specific moments, circumstances, and individuals that cause you to revert to old habits instead of following through with the desired new behaviors is essential.

Is there a person that you feel unable to set boundaries with?

Can you temporarily avoid a situation until you can strengthen your boundaries or resources?

3. Dig deeper into the time, situation, and people to uncover the coping strategies missing from how you have managed these interactions in the past.

Is there a different way to look at it?

One very enthusiastic client was trying to lose weight, yet she shared that she had three weekly social events where alcohol was served.

Social Pressures vs. Alignment

Many people do not want to have to defend their health choices or open a conversation about their personal goals at a social event. This typically makes you feel like you are no fun, or the group's goal is to convince you that it is OK to have "just one."

This can be another sign of weak boundaries.

There are a few ways to approach this kind of situation.

You can change the way you look at it. If it is a small, intimate event with those you have healthy boundaries with, let them know at whatever time works for you, even in another setting, that you are focusing on your health rather than social drinking.

Another option if you are attending events with people outside your inner circle is to arrive early, grab a beverage of your choice, and politely decline any offer of alcohol.

Boundaries and the 80/20 Rule

Maintain your boundaries gracefully and easily; give yourself a break if you don’t feel up to the occasion. Knowing the difference between a slight desire and a memorable occasion will help you discern the best action.

Lifestyle changes take work. I have used a rule where I apply a ratio of following my guidelines strictly if I have time and a positive attitude and, let’s say, a special event to prepare for. The 80/20 rule means that eighty percent of the time, you are following the behaviors of your new lifestyle and twenty percent, you are more flexible.

This could be modified around what is going on in your life to a 90/10 for those planning a super special event that may require a little more restriction. It is important to you to decide, articulate that to yourself and others, and then make it happen!

There is no fixed rule here. However, having a drink with friends or indulging in a treat at every social event on your calendar will prevent you from reaching your health goals.

It is entirely up to you to decide what is more important.

Another option to consider is assessing your social calendar if you are determined to make lifestyle changes. Your old habits will take much work if all your social events occur at bars, restaurants, and happy hours.

If a wedding or trip has been long planned and incredibly special, consider that a break from your weight loss routine could be beneficial. This does not have to mean throwing away all healthy habits, but if I were going to Italy, I would be having some wine.

In the end, it is all about balance. Living a life with no room for indulgences is missing the point. However, staying true to changing your lifestyle takes consistent effort and alignment between your desires and actions.